Thursday, 10 September 2015

Day 6: Jasper AB - Cranbrook BC

Here are some more reasons to decry the utter ponciness of Chateau Jasper, the overpriced ponce-hole I stayed in last night1:
  • It has a deeply poncy name.
  • The breakfast buffet is fifteen dollars.  Plus tax.  And 15% "gratuity".  Says "sod that for a lark" and walks down the road to Tim Horton's2.
  • In common with many places, the "in-room tea/coffee making facilities" include but two wossnames of coffee.  One of which was decaf, which is a Work of Stan.
  • I had to mend the valve in the toilet cistern.
  • The fridge was in the fucking wardrobe!
  • The light switches were umop-ap!sdn.  Actually, all Leftpondian light switches are umop-ap!sdn, but it's my Automatic Diary so bolshie great yarblockoes to the lot of you.
On the plus side, the Esso petrol station down the road accepted my plastic without my having to go inside and plead my case to the cashier.  And it wasn't raining when I left.  Not that this state of affairs lasted long.
Athabasca Pass
Note black clouds as a prelude to more rain.  Also it was about 8 degrees.
That's Mount Hardisty, possibly the only mountain in Canada named after a Newcastle bike shop3 (Hardisty Cycles, Home of the Mountain Bike, Top of the Fosse Way, Byker).  And here is a BRITON examining a bush:
So, rivers and mountains, yes, but what of lakes?  I had been advised to visit Lake Louise, but so had 95% of the population of Canada so you had to park in a different country and my leg hurts.  Here instead is the Bow Glacier, with a bit of Bow Lake visible with a Junior Pocket Microscope (Model 3a):
Glacial lakes and rivers are that peculiar greenish colour because glaciers are composed of a mixture of ice and Fairy Liquid4.

Not pictured in this shot:
Ice formed on the butler's upper slopes...
is the dickhead coach driver who had pulled out of a nearby lay-by right in front of me and grumbled up the hill at 30 km/h in his stinky old bus.  Harsh words are said about Brewsters, the employers of dickheads, and the dickheads who drive their vehicles.

Eventually the Icefields Parkway heads south-east to Banff and Calgary, but Mr Larrington turns right and goes back into British Columbia (though not into the Pacific Time Zone).  The sun comes out.  It gets warm.  The roof comes down and stays thus all the way here.  Hurrah and, moreover, huzzah!

Tomorrow I shall head back into USAnia but Canada is triff so I shall probably return.  In about ten days time.  Because I have a surfeit of Canadian dollars in my wallet.  Oh noes!  Alas I shall have to miss the Lolo Pass and its accompanying funs:
Foot of Lolo Pass in 2010
as it is too far east, but I'll be able to take in Seven Mile Hill again, which should have Emily cowering in the footwell.
  1. The next cheapest place was in Hinton, which is an hour's drive away in the wrong direction.
  2. Godspeed You! Black Emperor drummer Aidan Girt, wearing his other hat as 1-Speed Bike, recorded a track entitled "Tim Horton’s As A Gateway Drug To The Canadian Army".  I don't think they'd have me, and not just because I'm not Canadian.
  3. Lie.
  4. Lie.

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